Perhaps the one thing that has surprised me the most about working with students in an Alternative setting is that deficits in social norms are prevalent. Without passing judgment on why this characteristic is pervasive, it's best just to offer up some remedies and reminders of how we all need to conduct ourselves, manage our impulsiveness, and "play nice" in a civil society.
BOUNDARIES and FILTERS
How successfully we interact in a civil society is directly related to how well we have learned our boundaries and how well we have learned to control our internal filters. In any society, there are norms and conventions that determine appropriate behavior. It’s NOT okay, for example, to pick your nose in public, or to barge into a room and start speaking without checking what is going on. Most of us have learned those basics of how to successfully engage in a social setting.
People who lack healthy emotional boundaries are individuals who struggle with interpersonal relationships in specific ways. They say things that are inappropriate, or they ask questions or make statements that are far too personal and invasive, or they come over to your house without calling first, among other annoying habits.
What does this mean at school? Simply stated, these reminders should help guide everyone to assimilate a culture that is conducive to learning.
Knock
Look, listen, pause…..ask permission
Edit, pause before publishing
FILTERS
Develop internal controls that enable all to feel comfortable in your presence. Blurting out, burping, passing gas, name calling and offering up unsolicited judgmental comments are examples of lack of filtering. And in many cases, those outbursts are very offensive.
That being so…….consider that ANYTHING is a judgment call. Unless you’ve been asked for an opinion, it’s better to say nothing.
There are a few extremely offensive phrases that have become too common in recognized teenage jargon. Some students are very offended – and I join them in their concern. I’d like to read what they’ve put together so you can get an idea.
Offensive slang – the “R” word.
Used as a disparaging term for a mentally handicapped individual. When one says “That’s retarded!” it usually means that something is stupid. The use of the work in a derogatory context has become so common that many young people are not even aware that it is slipping into their causal conversations so frequently. Many teens are using it as a filler word to break moments of silence or boredom.
Often, the phrase is not meant to offend a person with disabilities, but rather to insult a person that they think has acted oddly or has done something inadvisable or clumsy. Regardless of the intent, this has become a very touchy subject. Some parents of children with autism will now ask parents of non-disabled children If the term is allowed at their home before accepting a play date invitation.
There is a movement to eradicate the word from the spoken language. It has become a very emotional social issue in America and parts of Europe as the phrase is frequently used to degrade or humiliate – with little regard for the term’s true meaning.
In my opinion, using phrases such as "That's Retarded!" are ways to express displeasure or disagreement when the speaker has limited vocabulary or other means to challenge. In short, it becomes a catch-all phrase when the inexperienced debater is devoid of other constructive criticism or a means to convey an alternative opinion. Lacking that experience, an impulsive reaction is blurted out without regard to its implications.
At the Saline Alternative, a simplistic approach to learning self control is posted:
BREATHE before you speak
PAUSE before you post
Sometimes that brief hesitation will give the speaker just enough time to avoid blurting out potentially offensive corprolalia. Teaching specific language and phraseology that is more mature, appropriate and germane is the objective to instilling lifelong habits that enable young adults to interact with decorum in any social situation.
